Finding Comfort in the Uncomfortable

So often when I'm faced with a new situation, whether it be a new job, a new apartment, or even as small as going on a first date, I get very nervous. Each time I would have an inner dialogue going on about how ridiculous I am for being nervous. "Look around, does anyone else seem nervous," I'd ask myself. More often than not the answer was always "no". "So then, why be nervous? You'll be fine. Take a hint from the greatest band to ever exist and Let It Be". However, calling on the Beatles, relaxing, and facing the new situation with a victorious mindset is much more difficult to do than to say. Luckily, I've come to learn that, despite what my inner voice says, I'm not alone in this struggle. Oh yes, we all face it.

Before I jumped on a plane all by myself and moved to Florida from Michigan, my home state, I was freaking out. I kept telling my sister, the chauffeur to my presumable doom, that she shouldn't drive too far too fast once we said goodbye, for I was most likely going to back out. Beyond my verbal hysterics I was, of course, a physical hysteric too. A flood of tears and involuntary shaking paralyzed my typically lively spirit imprisoning me in the belief that I simply could not get on a plane and move to Florida all by myself. Thankfully my sister, being the dear that she is, pulled over to the side of the road and gave me a cup she had made herself, (apparently she knew my reluctancy may occur). On the cup she had written, "On particularly rough days, when I'm sure I can't possible endure, I like to remind myself that my track record for getting through the bad days so far is 100% and that's pretty good!"

Now I have no idea if she came up with that, or she found the quote from someone else, but I love it so much! I clung to that cup all throughout the airport. Even when my sister had to come back because I forgot my ID in her car and I wanted to use that as an excuse, nay, a sign, that I shouldn't be going, I clung to that cup and believed what it said. And you know what? It was exactly right! I got on that plane, and I've now been living down in Florida for 9 months and will living here for much longer. If I had let my trepidation get in the way of my journey I never would have met so many of my friends, or had most of the experiences I have had. I would probably be in a bed somewhere, crawled up in a ball never wanting to leave.

Here I am now however, about to start another new chapter in my life, and the nerves are back. Change is a part of life I tell myself. Reminding myself that if everything stayed the same how much I would loath life, and how dull the colors of my life's palette would be. So now I look back at all the times I've had to go through transitions in my life and remember my sister's quote and it's accuracy on my success rate: 100%. From each success I have learned, I have grown, and I have thickened the breadth of my life's story.

Therefore, I encourage you, no matter what struggle or challenge you are facing, to remind yourself what your success rate is for overcoming...100%.  It may be hard, and change is hard, no one denies that, but change is also good. I believe in you!

What are some comforting words of wisdom you have you been told during your life's transitions?

XOXO

Girl--->WorldOPEN

My Prequel

This is my prequel. Why a prequel? Because if you don’t look back and see where you’ve come from, how can you know where you are going?

So how does one go from an small town American country girl to a freethinking Christian feminist ready to change the world? Well that’s exactly what I’m about to show you.

When I was around the age of 8 I was called a feminist by my very loving father. I had been complaining about getting yelled at for having to help my mother clean up dinner while my brother got to continue to watch the football game blaring in our living room. Between the clanging of the dishes and the slamming of the refrigerator I cried about the unfair treatment my brother and I received solely due to our sex. My father, between bouts of laughter, said that I am being prepared for my future and this is the woman’s task. Seething, I put down the dishes, quit touching the half wrapped turkey and yelled, “I will never marry a man who doesn’t help clean the kitchen and put away dinner”.

At this my father really began to laugh, the type of laugh that comes from somewhere deep within a person’s soul and shakes their entire body. But it was here, as his laughter lessened, in a moment barely tangible, my father uttered the infamous word that has since changed my life completely: “feminist”.

Of course at 8 years old and barely in the 3^rd grade I had no idea what the word meant and, much to my dismay now, yelled back at my father for calling me such a thing. A few hours later I was told by one of my older siblings that it meant “equal rights for women” and at that moment, in all solemnity, I swore myself to be a feminist for the rest of my life.

At that age I had no idea where, if anywhere, feminism would lead me. If you had told me I would make it my life’s work, I probably would have speechlessly dropped my jaw. But alas, 11 years later in my freshman media class the word “feminist” came full circle and hit me square in between my eyes.

I was studying at university to be a documentary film director and as a prerequisite had to take TC 100: The Information Society. TC 100 focused on the trends, services, and policies around every form of media. Around the sixth week of class we began to focus on media’s effects on women and, if you can imagine life as a game show, this was the moment I pressed the big red button, bells and whistles sounded from every direction and Bob Barker was shouting “that is the correct answer!” In other words, I had hit the sweet spot in my education and wanted to continue to learn about this subject matter for the rest of my education. Only problem: “Media’s Effects on Women” wasn’t a degree.

I spent the next year and half developing my own major titled, fittingly so, “Media’s Effects on Women”.  Now I digress for a moment to say it wasn’t something normal at my university for students to go around developing their own major, in fact I’m only the second person at my university to have done so. I say this not to bring myself accolades but rather to express the sheer magnitude of my passion to learn about this subject matter.

With the ability to develop my own major came the blessing to pick, out of all the thousands of classes offered, which classes I wanted to take, as long as I could prove to the university that all of them combined could relate to one narrowly focused educational outcome. That being said, the university was my oyster.

Choosing classes from English 431C: Studies in Film and Gender, to Psychology 339: Psychology of Women, every class was a new and eye opening experience that only deepened my love and passion for my chosen field of interest. Seeing the need all around me I began to utilize every morsel of my learning in the real world by mentoring sixty plus females as a Resident Assistant within my university’s dorms, writing articles and creating campus-wide programs as an inter at my university’s Women’s Resource Center, and even volunteering as a media specialist at a summer camp for underprivileged inner-city children.

As graduation sped closer I was able to look back and see how much my life had been changed by that one simple word “feminist” 14 years earlier. Even since my freshman TC 100 class, I had become exposed to a subject matter much more vast than just media’s negative representation of women. No longer could I ignore the many triggers of rape culture our society perpetrates, sex slavery, the acid violence against Bangladeshi women, or even the simple words and stereotypes we use that continues to proliferate the gender disparity. Looking toward the future I search for a career that encompasses all of this thus continuing the revolution my feminist sisters started over a hundred years to help forge the gender equal future they imagined.

Alas, as every good prequel must, we’ve come to the end of our story, or really the beginning of my story. Here I am, I freshly graduated 20-something with only a degree in one hand and an ambition in the other to take me into my future. Yes, you could say then that I’m just like every other college graduate: naive, penniless, and a dreamer. To quote from John Lennon, “but I’m not the only one” (“Imagine”). 

Infinite X's and O's,

Girl--->WorldOPEN

Quit Apologizing!

One of the hardest things I've had to overcome is the need to prove to others why I am the way I am. I've had to realize that when people disapprove of how you define yourself they don't literally say, "I disapprove of you" instead they say it through their mannerisms, their actions, and their forms of speech. They may ask you, "how can you be a Christian AND a Feminist?" but their not asking for understanding sake and keeping an open mind about who you are, instead their closed off and searching for an argument to correct your "bad lifestyle choice". Now this isn't all people in life, clearly. Some people accept you for exactly who you are, no questions asked. Those people I'd like to call friends. Best friends. However, I've encountered far too many of the negative sort of people in every aspect of life to believe that it's just a phase of life, certain people, or just the rare few of us deal with it.

As I've grown up I've learned that I'm very hard to put in to a box. Some people may be able to, (awesome, go ahead and be my guest) but I have a million scattered edges with landmarks of personality displaced all over the globe. For instance, I'm a complete Directioner, but gain breath through indie-folk. I'm a Christian, but a complete and total feminist. I'm small in stature but loud in voice and fast in walk. I'm a pop-culture junkie but devote my self to educating people on how it effects them. And I wear makeup almost every day, but I know how beautiful people are without it.

Now most days I've felt compelled to hide either one side or another of my seemingly contradictory existence simply to please other people, but I'm tired of fighting who I am. I've learned that to lie to yourself is one of the greatest injuries you can to do yourself. You have to find your own truth because you are the only person who lives with yourself, every moment of every day. You don't owe anyone an explanation. So quit apologizing for being you.

On the reverse side though, people are going to act in ways that you disapprove of, keep an open mind and let them be who they are. This doesn't mean you have to like them, but you should respect them for who they choose to be especially if you ever hope for the same in return.

What are some things about yourself you always seem to have to apologize for?

What are the most difficult barriers of being yourself you've had to overcome?

XOXO

Girl--->WorldOPEN

Writing what I know: People change

I spent most of my early life homeschooled. When I finally went to public school I was unknowingly headed in to the so dubbed "worst years" aka, middle school. Going literally day to day from having tons of friends to having zero friends wreaked havoc through my tiny twelve-year-old self. Looking back I'm not sure I would have believed anyone if they had told me that it was all because hormones were running astray, even the "popular girls" were a ball of awkwardness, zits, and emotions, or more shortly, I wasn't alone. Those days I felt most alone of all.

As I entered high school I found my group of friends and we made some of the best memories I still look back on fondly. Like the time we went to our local mall on Halloween instead of trick-or-treating and did barrel races down the mall's west wing. Simply put, my friends and I got each other, we saved each other, and we made high school fun. But this doesn't mean I was unaware of the girls who backstabbed one another to get ahead, or the students who got their parents involved in everything so they would get the leadership position, get a higher grade, or get on Homecoming Court. What it does mean is I could look at these people and be glad I wasn't them, and had a reason to be excited to graduate.

I can still remember the last night before I left for Florida, the final night of summer post-graduation. I was sitting in my parents driveway with my best friend Nick and we just talked for hours about what the future held for everyone; our friends, ourselves, and our classmates. It was the ever-scary, ever-exciting intersection in life where our pasts and our futures meet and all you can do is wonder. I was so excited for each of my friends as we all got accepted to colleges all over the state and country. We were going to do things with our lives while it seemed everyone else from school was staying in the exact same place and going to the local community college.

Well it's been just over five years since that day and all I can say is, people change. My friends did graduate from their respected college's, got great jobs, and some are even headed to grad school! But the truth is, we lost touch. Whether this was due to purpose or distance will always be a question, but either way, we did. We each came into our own in college and learned more about ourselves and these selves were fairly different from our high school selves.

Sometimes I look back on those high school days and think about what our high school selves would say about where we and our classmates ended up. Our classmates whom changed as much as we did. The girls who said they hate fat people gained weight. The class hottie became a dad shortly after graduation. The girls who judged people who got pregnant, got pregnant. Some are trying their hands at rapping, some are working on film degrees, and some are still just hanging out in the area, living at home and going to community college. I think my friend's high school selves and I would laugh.

Laugh, not because we were surely as judgmental as everyone else, but because it all really didn't matter. All the emphasis we put on single moments, even in present time, our moments are fleeting yet we tell ourselves they are either life or death. Like sand held too tight and falling away too quickly, not a moment we are given will last. So the girl told you you're stupid and made everyone laugh, or you didn't get into your dream college, another moment will come and it will be different. And everyone will your given will either make you or break you, but ultimately it's up to you. Recognize the moments change, as do people, and it's up to you to decide whether you want that moment and those people to make you or break you.

I'm happy for each of my old friends and where they made it and who've they've become. Even though our lives are far from one another I will still hold on to those memories and enjoy them. As for those classmates, I'm not laughing, because I'm not my high school self, and instead I understand. Change, it's inevitable.

 

And that's what I know.

 

XOXO

 

Girl--->WorldOpen

 

What are changes you've noticed?

 

What are some big ways you have let change affect you?

Writing what I know

As the movie "Never Been Kissed" plays on repeat this month on the E! Network I can't help but think on Drew Barrymore's character, Josie Geller's, use of the quote "to be a great writer, you must write about what you know". This is a much used statement, but I feel it's appropriateness here and shall use it to take my blog onward. For surely, as an early twenty-something, like a sponge I absorb new information every day, but I still only know so much. So here is to my daily thoughts, my daily absorption of information, written here for the world to read or simply pass by.

Identity Crisis, Inner Beauty

Hey everyone! 

I've been asked a few time about how I can be passionate about finding inner beauty and loving your natural self and yet still be into make-up and fashion. Well I'm here to say it certainly took me a while to understand how those things could be related but as I talk about in my vlog below, I've come to find out they can be surely knit perfectly together.  Hope you like it!

What are some ways you find inner beauty?

Much love,

Hayley Kaye :)

Marshall's, Ulta, Meijer Haul!

Hey everyone!

I was able to go shopping recently at a few different stores so I thought I'd show you what I got. Sorry I haven't been posting more posts lately, nothing too exciting or mind-turning has been happening. I really want to keep this blog for twenty-something discoveries. Since I'll be going to DC in less than 3 weeks, I'm sure something will come up then. Can't wait to go and I'll make sure to keep you up to date! As for now, check out my video and don't forget to LIKE, SUBSCRIBE, and COMMENT!

Any good product's your excited about lately? What are your Fourth of July Plans?

Girl--->WorldOPEN

:)

10 Things College Taught Me

Today I wanted to reflect about a few things that college taught me. This may be relatable for those of you who just graduated college, and it may be helpful for those of you about to attend or are attending currently. Either way, this is few of what college taught me in a nutshell:

1. I have people!!!

A lot of time when growing up you live in a smaller-ish town and feel like that is the world. Everyone you are surrounded by is a representation of how the world thinks, feels, acts, and exists. This is very disheartening when you don't feel like you fit in with this "world". But once I got to college I realized your town is not the world, just a small ameba attached to the world. There are actually people just like you who are interested in things you are in, passionate about what you are passionate about, and want to change what you want to change. And once you find these people, it's like heaven!

2. How to stand out

It's great having people in your life who understand you, but at the same time you don't want to conform to the little differences that do exist between you. To really make it in this world, you have to stand out. I learned in college that to stand out means to hold your ground about what you believe even if it's different than your friends. Maybe joining organizations, or creating your own regarding those beliefs. For example, I'm very passionate about women's issues, particularly in regards to body image and media's portrayal of women. Though my friends are very supportive of me, this isn't their passion (and that's okay!). Following my passion, I became an intern at the Women's Resource Center on my campus and even developed a weeklong program with events all focused toward loving your body. I was able to stand out from my friends and follow my passions, without letting my friends different interests hold me back.

3. How to stand up for what I want

Before college I would typically let things slide, things that were important to me that I really should have been fighting for. When in college I learned that if I wanted to make it any where in this world I had to stand up for what I wanted (and deserved) or else I'll be getting run over my entire life. Particular example of this is my grades. There were many times when my professors gave me one grade on paper and another in the grading book. I would recognize this when it came down to the end of the semester and the grade I calculated and they calculated didn't match up. I would speak to them during their office hours or through email and ask them to please check over my grade again because I believe there had been a mistake. I was never rude about this, or trying to get a grade higher than what I really deserved, I simply trying to get the right grade I already got placed into the grading book. A lot of the time this took extra work and more time than I care to share, but in the end I always got the grades I knew I rightfully deserved. Because of this I'm able to stand up for what I believe is right and not let anyone push me around.

4. Be kind... even to the "little people"

First off, I don't believe there are "little people", or people who have small, menial, unimportant, jobs in this world. Sincerely, every job is important and without them the "big jobs" wouldn't be possible. While at college I would notice how people would constantly be trying to network and get into the good graces of their professors, the university president, and other "big time" people on the college campus, then they would act rudely to the janitor's, the food staff, and the ground's keepers. To me, you have no idea who these people are, who they know, and why they are doing the job they are. People tend to think these are the people who have no education and are stuck in "pointless" jobs. But this is entirely not true! Everyone deserves kindness, for everyone places a certain role in life that is important, and without it, the entire picture you see before you would be different (and not in a good way).

5. How NOT to cook...

I spent my entire 4 years at college living in the dorms. My first two years I was just a regular resident and my last two years I was a Resident Assistant. I LOVED living in the dorms. My friends were always just a step down the hallway, and food was available at all hours of the day. However, this did not help me develop skills in the cooking world. Mind due, I'm not a terrible cook, but I certainly do not know how to come up with a  meal plan for a week, or put ingredients together. Most of the time I'll just cook up some frozen pizza or pasta and call that good. This is not a good way to step into life. For this reason, if you are still in college, I HIGHLY recommend living at least 1 year off so that you can build up these skills before you have to take on all the aspects of being a responsible adult.

6. Political debates do not have to foster screaming fights and severed relationships

Growing up all the adults around me, including the nightly news, was filled with political debates. Quickly I learned that both people think they are entirely correct and the other is a lunatic basket case who doesn't have a brain (not fair, but honest). This led me to hating politics and avoiding any type conversation that politics may be introduced. When I got to college however, this was a rather hard subject to avoid. Thankfully, I learned you can have a discussion about politics where you can gently agree to disagree. This I found to be such a relief. Through this experience I was able to learn much more about the world, consider new ideas, and embrace that not everyone thinks the same (and thank God for that!).

7. College is short, and so is life. Forget the assignments you have due, and enjoy the ride.

During my time at college I was very dedicated to my studies. But I learned quickly that this wasn't going to bring me any joy and isn't the complete point of college. College is an amazing time to further your education, focus on what you are interested in, meet people from around the world, and learn about who you are. The last of these you can't do hiding in away in your dorm room studying. Yes, there are times when you need to study and focus. But there are also many times when you need to forget all the assignments you have to complete, or how much sleep you are being deprived of and have a crazy experience with the amazing people around you. Moments like these will be gone before you know it, and you may never get them back.

8. You can do all your laundry in one load if you put them on cold. 

It's true! Nothing will blend and they'll still be clean. Plus, it saves you lots of money and time!

9. Differences doesn't mean bad. It simply means different.

Growing up I was taught that if anyone thought different than you, believed different things, or even walked to a different drum they were different and that was bad. How sorely mistaken I was. I'm so glad to have learned that just because someone sees the world differently, grew up in a different manner, or believes different things does not mean their difference is a bad difference. In one of my classes which discussed gender issues globally, I learned about the women of Bangladesh. I learned about all the ways they were being discriminated against and they started devising ways to seek their freedom. It was incredible what they did. So much so that global missions would come in and do news stories on them. Unfortunately, instead of focusing on the way the Bangladeshi women felt they were being discriminated against, the news interpreted their different way of living as discriminatory. This wasn't true. They loved their way of life and culture, but their was ways in which they were being treated that were not okay, under anyone's standards. It's sad to think people will hate on another person just because they didn't think, act, or believe the same things in the same way someone else would. This prevents growth, and stunts humanity. 

10. If you put your needs into the universe, the universe will bring you what you ask

This can be tricky, but from my own experience, this is 100% true. Now, if the desire is One Million Dollars, yes this might not occur. However, if you search for what you want, let other's know of your needs, and are aware of your surroundings, you would be amazed at the wonderful things the world will bring to you. 

So there you have it, 10 things I learned during college. I hope you guys could relate!

What is something you learned, or hope to learn, during college?

Girl--->WorldOPEN

:)

35 Facts About Me

Hey everyone! I saw a bunch of "Facts About Me" video's going around and I figured I would join the bandwagon. Hope you all get to know about me a little better. I'd love to get to know you guys better too, so feel free to leave some facts about you in the comments below. Or even make your own "Facts About Me" video in response!

What's your favorite fact about yourself?

Girl---> WorldOPEN