I think we all have them, the ideas of how things are suppose to turn out, how people are suppose to act, the way you are suppose to look. I've recently come to discover that the harder we hold on to these "suppose to" or "picture perfect" images, the harder it is for us to enjoy life.
Having served as an RA for 2 years on my college's campus I figured I knew all the ways to manage, untangle, and rectify roommate relations. I felt I knew what it takes to set up the "perfect" roommate agreement so 2 or more people could live together cohesively. The truth is, I could do this from an outsiders perspective. Help re-establish roommate relations as a neutral party giving balanced and fair advice after hearing out both sides. When you are within the entanglement however, it is a much different situation.
I went in to my current living situation very excited. I met my roommate online and decided to be one another's roommate after discovering we both shared a love for Christ, and understood one another's room needs (sleep schedule, sound/no sound, privacy, etc.) But time has shown me again and again, if you are excited for something you probably have a picture in your mind to how it will all work out, and more than likely it won't turn out as you hoped.
As I always told my residents, and still uphold today, you can't let issues fester. Once you're awoken to the reality that a situation won't be exactly as you planned you need to move on, handle the situation the best you can, and live in what is. As well, you'll always have issues with people, whether it be roommates, co-workers, or even family, it's going to happen. Why? Because we all have ideas in our mind about what is right and wrong, what fair is, what we believe in, and what's important. This isn't bad, on the contrary it's a very good thing. Once we open our minds to non-perfect picture we can learn from it and in turn expand our minds, learn new things, and grow. It moves the human race forward.
So in conclusion, I've learned that I'll probably always have a "perfect picture" in my mind, but if I can recognize that and let it not define how the situation actually is, then I can enjoy where I am a lot more. I can see all the imperfections as ways of growing, learning, and reaching new places I never would have had the reality been perfect.
What are some of your perfect pictures?
How have you grown from not achieving your perfect picture?
I spent most of my early life homeschooled. When I finally went to public school I was unknowingly headed in to the so dubbed "worst years" aka, middle school. Going literally day to day from having tons of friends to having zero friends wreaked havoc through my tiny twelve-year-old self. Looking back I'm not sure I would have believed anyone if they had told me that it was all because hormones were running astray, even the "popular girls" were a ball of awkwardness, zits, and emotions, or more shortly, I wasn't alone. Those days I felt most alone of all.
As I entered high school I found my group of friends and we made some of the best memories I still look back on fondly. Like the time we went to our local mall on Halloween instead of trick-or-treating and did barrel races down the mall's west wing. Simply put, my friends and I got each other, we saved each other, and we made high school fun. But this doesn't mean I was unaware of the girls who backstabbed one another to get ahead, or the students who got their parents involved in everything so they would get the leadership position, get a higher grade, or get on Homecoming Court. What it does mean is I could look at these people and be glad I wasn't them, and had a reason to be excited to graduate.
I can still remember the last night before I left for Florida, the final night of summer post-graduation. I was sitting in my parents driveway with my best friend Nick and we just talked for hours about what the future held for everyone; our friends, ourselves, and our classmates. It was the ever-scary, ever-exciting intersection in life where our pasts and our futures meet and all you can do is wonder. I was so excited for each of my friends as we all got accepted to colleges all over the state and country. We were going to do things with our lives while it seemed everyone else from school was staying in the exact same place and going to the local community college.
Well it's been just over five years since that day and all I can say is, people change. My friends did graduate from their respected college's, got great jobs, and some are even headed to grad school! But the truth is, we lost touch. Whether this was due to purpose or distance will always be a question, but either way, we did. We each came into our own in college and learned more about ourselves and these selves were fairly different from our high school selves.
Sometimes I look back on those high school days and think about what our high school selves would say about where we and our classmates ended up. Our classmates whom changed as much as we did. The girls who said they hate fat people gained weight. The class hottie became a dad shortly after graduation. The girls who judged people who got pregnant, got pregnant. Some are trying their hands at rapping, some are working on film degrees, and some are still just hanging out in the area, living at home and going to community college. I think my friend's high school selves and I would laugh.
Laugh, not because we were surely as judgmental as everyone else, but because it all really didn't matter. All the emphasis we put on single moments, even in present time, our moments are fleeting yet we tell ourselves they are either life or death. Like sand held too tight and falling away too quickly, not a moment we are given will last. So the girl told you you're stupid and made everyone laugh, or you didn't get into your dream college, another moment will come and it will be different. And everyone will your given will either make you or break you, but ultimately it's up to you. Recognize the moments change, as do people, and it's up to you to decide whether you want that moment and those people to make you or break you.
I'm happy for each of my old friends and where they made it and who've they've become. Even though our lives are far from one another I will still hold on to those memories and enjoy them. As for those classmates, I'm not laughing, because I'm not my high school self, and instead I understand. Change, it's inevitable.
And that's what I know.
XOXO
Girl--->WorldOpen
What are changes you've noticed?
What are some big ways you have let change affect you?
As the movie "Never Been Kissed" plays on repeat this month on the E! Network I can't help but think on Drew Barrymore's character, Josie Geller's, use of the quote "to be a great writer, you must write about what you know". This is a much used statement, but I feel it's appropriateness here and shall use it to take my blog onward. For surely, as an early twenty-something, like a sponge I absorb new information every day, but I still only know so much. So here is to my daily thoughts, my daily absorption of information, written here for the world to read or simply pass by.
Sorry I haven't been on in such a long time. Since I last updated you all I have moved to Florida for to work at Disney World with the College Program Internship! This is such a full circle experience for me as before I went college I took a gap year and worked at Disney World. I'm in the same physical location as I was before, but I work in a new area and live with new roommates. A lot has changed around here, but much has stayed the same. This gives me the opportunity to really stand back and look at myself and see all the changes I have gone through in my last four years. Here are a few of the changes I've recognized:
1. I see a lot of things, people, places, ideas, etc, at more than surface level. For example, when I first lived here I saw Disney World as a happy place here to make people happy. Though this is still true, I see it more as a business. It's choices are based on economies of scale, research, and market analysis. My first go about I would have laughed at you if you said any of that to me.
2. There is a much larger world out there than your momentary situation. Just like most high school students, I saw the world as black or white. If I didn't get the date or wasn't liked by the right people then my world would surely end. When I first came to Disney World I saw this place as much the same. Make friends, be happy. Today happy is much more complex and interwoven with the realities far beyond my experiences. Through the blessing of social media, and my education, I see the wars going on in the world on an individual basis, I hurt for these people and want to help. Therefore the guests here at Disney World aren't just other people, they are people with a story and this is the only moment I may have to make their story a happy one.
3. I have dreams beyond this place. During my first Disney World experience I literally didn't have any dreams or aspirations. I was scared of going to college, and felt inadequate in the world. Now I have within me the deepest conviction to change the way women are represented in the media, and help empower women to make this world more equal. This makes being here at Disney just a joyful momentary blip in a hopefully long future of providing happiness, support, and answers to those around the world.
But alas, I'm still a small girl in a big world. Though my current world is owned Uncle Walt, I'm still growing and learning. I'm excited to keep you up to date with what I'm doing and the things I'm learning as a simple post-graduate twenty-something.
See you all real soon!
Best,
Girl--->WorldOPEN
Have you ever been brought full circle and realized something new about yourself?
Very recently I've learned about Arianna Huffington's Third Metric movement. If you haven't yet heard about this movement you may have heard the word "THRIVE" going around a lot, and this word sums up most of what Arianna's movement is about. Too often we get caught up in our work, our jobs, the daily little nuances in our lives and forget to really be in the moments. We push harder, work longer, and run faster just to reach the top. It's not a bad thing to want to be reach the top but the way we are going about it is burning us out before we even get there, and that is a bad thing.
The Third Metric movement is about taking the time out of our days to key into our inner-self and check on our wellbeing. If you're not a spiritual person (not in the religious sense, but in the soul-focused sense) then this can all seem quite hogwash. But let's take a beat and think about work, under today's society really means.
Work means:
Waking up early and working AT LEAST 8 hours (typically more)
Checking e-mail constantly
Lists of tasks (all work-related) running through the mind like a never ending receipt at the check-out counter
At least 4 cups of coffee just to keep the energy up
Having Friday be the most exciting day of the week so you can do what you really want on the weekend
Not being happy when Sunday comes to a close
Hating Monday's
Tight, suffocating work attire
Fake smiles, fake joy, and fake excitement
Consistent exhaustion from lack of sleep
When you look at this list you can understand why any college graduate, like myself, would want to stay in college forever and never get a grown-up job. Being a person who is continuously joyful, loves passionate conversation, and has a internal demand for 8 hours of sleep, I hated the thought of going into the working environment. The thought of being surrounded by drone zombies all week wasting away their lives until Friday seemed depressing at best, and life-crushing at worst. The truth is, we spend most of our lives at work than anywhere else and with anyone else in our lives, so we must be able to find our joy there too, not just an income. And this, right here, is why I'm so excited for Arianna Huffington's Third Metric movement.
There are four elements to the Third Metric movement that are describe in more detail by Arianna herself below**, but here is a quick summary.
One, we need to prioritize our health and wellbeing. This goes without question. If we are not healthy, both physically and mentally, we cannot contribute to this world like we were born to. We do have a destiny, and exciting, liberating, and passionate one, but if we are not well, then we will not reach our calling, so we must take the time and check in with ourselves.
Second, we need to tap into our wisdom, strength, and peace more often. Typically it is in trying times that we are able to tap into this finite resources of ours. We do it out of necessity, and it helps us trudge through the garbage life has handed us. If we could tap into this more often we would be able to unfold worlds we never imagined, with an eye seeing a holistic picture of a better tomorrow. It takes time to learn to cultivate this "sixth sense" into a regular practice, so buy some mindfulness books. Practice yoga. Talk to a therapist. For us to reach a better future, we must find our center.
Third, we need to give ourselves permission to wonder about the world. If you look at a child who is at a place they've never been before, you can see in their eyes this great sense of wonder, excitement, and possibilities. As we grow older it's as if the world has gone gray to us, we find much less to wonder about and a lot more to worry about. It's true, there is a lot to worry about, but worry solves nothing, but wonder may solve it all.
The fourth and final element of the Third Metric is our need to give back. As Arianna Huffington talks about in her speech I attached below, people who give back have at a greater state of health and wellbeing. But giving back shouldn't be for selfish reasons, for then that would accomplish nothing. Instead, the importance of giving back strengthening other's wellbeing and health and giving them a platform to start rolling a new ball of health, wellbeing, strength, wonder, and giving. As cliche as it may sound, it all starts with one act. One act, and this world can change for the better.
I cannot tell you how much I believe in this movement and am exciting to follow it and be apart of it in any way possible. I do believe we are in a time of transition and we can all do our part. So stop working, and start thriving!
What are some changes you are making in your life today to start thriving?
I've been asked a few time about how I can be passionate about finding inner beauty and loving your natural self and yet still be into make-up and fashion. Well I'm here to say it certainly took me a while to understand how those things could be related but as I talk about in my vlog below, I've come to find out they can be surely knit perfectly together. Hope you like it!
Recently “Always”, a company that sells feminine product’s, released a video advertisement discussing the saying “like a girl”. The emphasis was to show that people use the term “like a girl” offensively such as, “you throw like a girl” or “you run like a girl” (Video attached below). By the end of the video they flipped over the idea making “like a girl” mean strong, powerful, and winner instead of weak, incapable, and frilly. I’ve found this ad completely refreshing, necessary, and the beginning of a great change in our society. For a long time people have been trying to challenge the use of the statement “that’s so gay,” which is typically referring to something ridiculous or silly instead of someone who is actually gay. Side note: I will say I have heard people say to others, “wow you are so gay!” which is actually referring to someone’s characteristics (whether they identify as gay or not) as being actually gay. In any case, all of this comes off as gay being a negative thing. In the times I have challenged someone who has used this language they replied with “I don’t have a problem with gay people” and “it’s just a saying”. But it’s not! And neither is saying someone is acting “like a girl”! Because if you are a girl, or identify as gay, then what you actually hear is “who I am is wrong and I need to change”. I can tell you, after years of trying, you can’t change who you are. You just are. Love it or hate it, you are exactly you. Period. End of story. For people who don’t identify as gay or are girls, challenging these statements seems crazy and meticulous! They’ll bring up the whole “there are more important issues in the world to discuss then silly words,” forgetting that degrading who a person is limits them from reaching their full potential and decreases their ability to bring about a better world. And while we are on the matter, if there are more important issues, then why are you even using such degrading words? Shouldn’t your vocabulary be a bit more expansive? But I’m not here to give a vocabulary lesson, what I am here to discuss is how important our words are and the impact they can have on people and this world. When we are born we don’t know hate. We have not yet learned reasons to ignore people based on skin color, religion, weight, height, interests, or economic standing. Instead we just want to play, in any form that may take. As we grow up we become very receptive to the words, actions, and choices of others around us. We question everything and we learn. This learning can be from the TV, our parents, teachers, school-mates, or even other strangers on the streets. As a child we don’t realize that not everything we learn is right, not all statements are true, and sometimes adults are wrong. Like dry sponges ready to absorb water and become useful, as children we are blank canvasses ready to take up as much knowledge from the world around us and become important.
Whether we like it or not, whether kids realize it or not, this is the most vulnerable of ages. No one, from age born to age death-bed, wants to feel left out, or incompetent. When a kid hits puberty however, they’re aware of their surroundings enough to want to get involved and help out, and yet, for an assortment of reasons, they mostly receive slammed doors in their faces. Like the kid who just wants to ride the roller-coaster with his friends but gets told he can’t because he is too short, being told no to a kid is a low blow and feels like a personal attack. Now, you can explain all you want to a kid why the answer is no, but you better believe they are going to try everything they can to grow tall enough, become fast enough, speak loud enough, and draw well enough, to do what they’ve been told they can’t. Yes, this is a great motivator and surely going to build the kid up for a strong and victorious future! However, what if the reason the door is slamming in their face is because of something they are and are incapable of changing? Let’s take a step back in time for a moment to just before the Civil Rights movement. During this time there were separate lines for people based on their skin color. If you were Black you couldn’t sit in the front of the bus, couldn’t eat in every restaurant, and certainly couldn’t play in the same parks. To a lot of people back then, this seemed completely natural and normal. “Just the way God intended it”. Flash forward to current times, this seems, to most people, completely absurd (though, shocker, it still happens). But during the Civil Right movement people had to stand up, make a change, show that despite the color of a person’s skin they are still a person and deserve being treated as one. Because, let’s face it, they couldn’t change their skin color to societies ideals, so they had to change society. (And thank God they didn’t, life would be far too boring if everyone looked the same). In current times, society still needs changing, but a kid hasn’t learned enough to know this and instead focuses on themselves. When kid hears the words, “you can’t play with us, you’re a girl,” or, “you’re so gay,” you might as well stab a needle in their eyes, because the way they see it, they are a completely useless and unimportant human being. Now this may sound dramatic, but let’s be honest, this is the most dramatic age for a kid, as every negative is the end of their world, and every positive is the rebirth of creation, all of which can happen in less than 30 seconds. But just because it’s a dramatic period doesn’t mean these events don’t have lasting consequences, they do. Telling a kid they can’t play because they are a girl, or because they are gay, or a certain skin color, or WHATEVER that they are, is telling them they, as the person they were born as and have no choice over, are not good enough. This effects people for a long, long time. Being told who you are isn’t good enough leads to years of trying to change yourself and continuous frustration and disappointment as you learn you can’t change who you are. Reality is, people develop eating disorders, drug addictions, depression, and even killed themselves over this. No, this isn’t an exaggeration. No, these aren’t “weak” people. Humans are created to be social being. We want to be liked, we want to fit in. When we are told that we are not good enough for things we cannot change about ourselves it leads to horrible consequences that effect not only the individual’s, but their families, friends, and children. It starts a long legacy of destruction, and harm. When this becomes your life it’s hard to focus on the “more important issues in the world”. So let me end it here by saying this: if you want a better world, think before you speak. People do hear what you say and what you say does have an impact, whether you mean them to or not. Kids don’t naturally think “girls don’t play football”, or “being gay is gross”, parents, adults, and the media teach these things. So let the girl try out for football. If she really can’t play well, she’ll realize and try harder. Preferring the same sex isn’t an infection, it won’t hurt you, quit being ignorant and let people be who they choose to be. It’s time for us to quit making people change to society’s handicapping ideals, and instead change society. And it all starts with you and what you say.
If you want to know more about this campaign and how to get involved follow the links below to some great resources and affiliates:
