Finding Comfort in the Uncomfortable

So often when I'm faced with a new situation, whether it be a new job, a new apartment, or even as small as going on a first date, I get very nervous. Each time I would have an inner dialogue going on about how ridiculous I am for being nervous. "Look around, does anyone else seem nervous," I'd ask myself. More often than not the answer was always "no". "So then, why be nervous? You'll be fine. Take a hint from the greatest band to ever exist and Let It Be". However, calling on the Beatles, relaxing, and facing the new situation with a victorious mindset is much more difficult to do than to say. Luckily, I've come to learn that, despite what my inner voice says, I'm not alone in this struggle. Oh yes, we all face it.

Before I jumped on a plane all by myself and moved to Florida from Michigan, my home state, I was freaking out. I kept telling my sister, the chauffeur to my presumable doom, that she shouldn't drive too far too fast once we said goodbye, for I was most likely going to back out. Beyond my verbal hysterics I was, of course, a physical hysteric too. A flood of tears and involuntary shaking paralyzed my typically lively spirit imprisoning me in the belief that I simply could not get on a plane and move to Florida all by myself. Thankfully my sister, being the dear that she is, pulled over to the side of the road and gave me a cup she had made herself, (apparently she knew my reluctancy may occur). On the cup she had written, "On particularly rough days, when I'm sure I can't possible endure, I like to remind myself that my track record for getting through the bad days so far is 100% and that's pretty good!"

Now I have no idea if she came up with that, or she found the quote from someone else, but I love it so much! I clung to that cup all throughout the airport. Even when my sister had to come back because I forgot my ID in her car and I wanted to use that as an excuse, nay, a sign, that I shouldn't be going, I clung to that cup and believed what it said. And you know what? It was exactly right! I got on that plane, and I've now been living down in Florida for 9 months and will living here for much longer. If I had let my trepidation get in the way of my journey I never would have met so many of my friends, or had most of the experiences I have had. I would probably be in a bed somewhere, crawled up in a ball never wanting to leave.

Here I am now however, about to start another new chapter in my life, and the nerves are back. Change is a part of life I tell myself. Reminding myself that if everything stayed the same how much I would loath life, and how dull the colors of my life's palette would be. So now I look back at all the times I've had to go through transitions in my life and remember my sister's quote and it's accuracy on my success rate: 100%. From each success I have learned, I have grown, and I have thickened the breadth of my life's story.

Therefore, I encourage you, no matter what struggle or challenge you are facing, to remind yourself what your success rate is for overcoming...100%.  It may be hard, and change is hard, no one denies that, but change is also good. I believe in you!

What are some comforting words of wisdom you have you been told during your life's transitions?

XOXO

Girl--->WorldOPEN

A Letter to the Bullied

You’re always going to have haters. People who tell you, you are wrong for thinking, believing, or even looking as you choose to. They will always exist so you must learn to accept them and move on. Don’t take my forwardness as ignorance of reality, for I know what’s real. What’s real is the pain their words and actions make you feel at night as you replay them for the hundredth time like a broken jukebox repeating your least favorite song.

Your pain is valid. Their words are cruel and unfair. However, staying in a state of pain by focusing on it will get you nowhere. They will think they have won and continue their vicious cycle of making you feel worthless, incapable, and insufficient. Listen to me right now, and repeat these words every moment of every day: You are worthy, you are capable, and you are sufficient.

 I wish haters didn’t exist, I wish we all accepted one another just as we are and focused on the more important matters. But, this just isn’t reality so there is no point in wishing away our lives. Instead try and make something good out of their cruelty. Refocus your energy and use their gifts in a positive way. Tell them thank you.

Thank you for reminding me why I need to be nice to people, why I should help others even when I don’t feel like it, and why I should think twice before I speak or act. If it weren’t for their daily torments you wouldn’t know what it feels like to be judged or stereotyped and why it’s important not to do so in reverse. Above all, you wouldn’t know how to recognize others being bullied and you wouldn’t feel a desire to stop it. There’s a reason for your pain, use it to make the world better.

Again, haters will always exist. They are there when you are young and don’t understand what you have done wrong. They are there as you get older and realize it’s nothing you’ve done. Haters morph from being just another schoolmate to being your co-workers, your boss’s, and even your best friends. Therefore you must live your life exactly as you believe is right for you and under no circumstances change that for anyone except yourself.

So everyone has the new Michael Kors purse and your getting made fun of for just having a hand-me-down clutch? You rock that clutch like it’s what’s up and coming and they are a part of yesterday’s trend! So you got straight A’s and everyone is calling you a teacher’s pet, boring, or nerd? Remember that education is the path to success and the key to a positive future. If nothing else, remember that doing well in a school means you’re more likely to be their boss in the future and then oh, how the tables will turn. So you’ve stood up for your beliefs that women deserve equal rights and now your being called a Femi Nazi and getting uninvited to social engagements? Even for the greatest of leaders opening people’s minds has never been an easy task that doesn’t mean your opinion is wrong, you’re just a leader for those who are too scared yet to speak. Don’t let one non-invite disturb your focus on helping achieve a positive joyful change for an entire world.

See it is not haters you must be worried about, but your own self. If you let them be your focus you will forget who you believe yourself to be and will become who they say you are. They will try and make you in to nothing, but you are here for a reason. You have two eyes, two ears, two legs, two arms, and one brain to think about what you see, what you hear, where you go, and what/whom you hold. You alone make the choices. Think them through thoroughly, than make them fully and completely. Own them. Let not a sole damper your choices for only then can you say you have won.

You won. No matter what they say, and no matter how they have made you feel, you have completely stood up for yourself by making your own life choices and thus being exactly who you are.** You have projected yourself out in to the universe as a new light, a unique light, a light that no matter how are they have tried they have been unsuccessful in darkening. Congratulations, and keep shining through the darkness.

**There will come a time when you may not be happy with your choices. Only you have the power to change them. Sometimes you will not feel capable of it and at this time the bully will reside in your own head. Repeat to them just as you repeated to the haters in world, you make the choices for your life. You choose. 

XOXO

Girl--->WorldOPEN

Writing what I know: People change

I spent most of my early life homeschooled. When I finally went to public school I was unknowingly headed in to the so dubbed "worst years" aka, middle school. Going literally day to day from having tons of friends to having zero friends wreaked havoc through my tiny twelve-year-old self. Looking back I'm not sure I would have believed anyone if they had told me that it was all because hormones were running astray, even the "popular girls" were a ball of awkwardness, zits, and emotions, or more shortly, I wasn't alone. Those days I felt most alone of all.

As I entered high school I found my group of friends and we made some of the best memories I still look back on fondly. Like the time we went to our local mall on Halloween instead of trick-or-treating and did barrel races down the mall's west wing. Simply put, my friends and I got each other, we saved each other, and we made high school fun. But this doesn't mean I was unaware of the girls who backstabbed one another to get ahead, or the students who got their parents involved in everything so they would get the leadership position, get a higher grade, or get on Homecoming Court. What it does mean is I could look at these people and be glad I wasn't them, and had a reason to be excited to graduate.

I can still remember the last night before I left for Florida, the final night of summer post-graduation. I was sitting in my parents driveway with my best friend Nick and we just talked for hours about what the future held for everyone; our friends, ourselves, and our classmates. It was the ever-scary, ever-exciting intersection in life where our pasts and our futures meet and all you can do is wonder. I was so excited for each of my friends as we all got accepted to colleges all over the state and country. We were going to do things with our lives while it seemed everyone else from school was staying in the exact same place and going to the local community college.

Well it's been just over five years since that day and all I can say is, people change. My friends did graduate from their respected college's, got great jobs, and some are even headed to grad school! But the truth is, we lost touch. Whether this was due to purpose or distance will always be a question, but either way, we did. We each came into our own in college and learned more about ourselves and these selves were fairly different from our high school selves.

Sometimes I look back on those high school days and think about what our high school selves would say about where we and our classmates ended up. Our classmates whom changed as much as we did. The girls who said they hate fat people gained weight. The class hottie became a dad shortly after graduation. The girls who judged people who got pregnant, got pregnant. Some are trying their hands at rapping, some are working on film degrees, and some are still just hanging out in the area, living at home and going to community college. I think my friend's high school selves and I would laugh.

Laugh, not because we were surely as judgmental as everyone else, but because it all really didn't matter. All the emphasis we put on single moments, even in present time, our moments are fleeting yet we tell ourselves they are either life or death. Like sand held too tight and falling away too quickly, not a moment we are given will last. So the girl told you you're stupid and made everyone laugh, or you didn't get into your dream college, another moment will come and it will be different. And everyone will your given will either make you or break you, but ultimately it's up to you. Recognize the moments change, as do people, and it's up to you to decide whether you want that moment and those people to make you or break you.

I'm happy for each of my old friends and where they made it and who've they've become. Even though our lives are far from one another I will still hold on to those memories and enjoy them. As for those classmates, I'm not laughing, because I'm not my high school self, and instead I understand. Change, it's inevitable.

 

And that's what I know.

 

XOXO

 

Girl--->WorldOpen

 

What are changes you've noticed?

 

What are some big ways you have let change affect you?

Writing what I know

As the movie "Never Been Kissed" plays on repeat this month on the E! Network I can't help but think on Drew Barrymore's character, Josie Geller's, use of the quote "to be a great writer, you must write about what you know". This is a much used statement, but I feel it's appropriateness here and shall use it to take my blog onward. For surely, as an early twenty-something, like a sponge I absorb new information every day, but I still only know so much. So here is to my daily thoughts, my daily absorption of information, written here for the world to read or simply pass by.

Identity Crisis, Inner Beauty

Hey everyone! 

I've been asked a few time about how I can be passionate about finding inner beauty and loving your natural self and yet still be into make-up and fashion. Well I'm here to say it certainly took me a while to understand how those things could be related but as I talk about in my vlog below, I've come to find out they can be surely knit perfectly together.  Hope you like it!

What are some ways you find inner beauty?

Much love,

Hayley Kaye :)

#LikeAGirl - A Response to "Always" Campaign

Recently “Always”, a company that sells feminine product’s, released a video advertisement discussing the saying “like a girl”. The emphasis was to show that people use the term “like a girl” offensively such as, “you throw like a girl” or “you run like a girl” (Video attached below). By the end of the video they flipped over the idea making “like a girl” mean strong, powerful, and winner instead of weak, incapable, and frilly. I’ve found this ad completely refreshing, necessary, and the beginning of a great change in our society.

For a long time people have been trying to challenge the use of the statement “that’s so gay,” which is typically referring to something ridiculous or silly instead of someone who is actually gay. Side note: I will say I have heard people say to others, “wow you are so gay!” which is actually referring to someone’s characteristics (whether they identify as gay or not) as being actually gay. In any case, all of this comes off as gay being a negative thing. In the times I have challenged someone who has used this language they replied with “I don’t have a problem with gay people” and “it’s just a saying”. But it’s not! And neither is saying someone is acting “like a girl”! Because if you are a girl, or identify as gay, then what you actually hear is “who I am is wrong and I need to change”. I can tell you, after years of trying, you can’t change who you are. You just are. Love it or hate it, you are exactly you. Period. End of story.

For people who don’t identify as gay or are girls, challenging these statements seems crazy and meticulous! They’ll bring up the whole “there are more important issues in the world to discuss then silly words,” forgetting that degrading who a person is limits them from reaching their full potential and decreases their ability to bring about a better world. And while we are on the matter, if there are more important issues, then why are you even using such degrading words? Shouldn’t your vocabulary be a bit more expansive? But I’m not here to give a vocabulary lesson, what I am here to discuss is how important our words are and the impact they can have on people and this world.

When we are born we don’t know hate. We have not yet learned reasons to ignore people based on skin color, religion, weight, height, interests, or economic standing. Instead we just want to play, in any form that may take. As we grow up we become very receptive to the words, actions, and choices of others around us. We question everything and we learn. This learning can be from the TV, our parents, teachers, school-mates, or even other strangers on the streets. As a child we don’t realize that not everything we learn is right, not all statements are true, and sometimes adults are wrong. Like dry sponges ready to absorb water and become useful, as children we are blank canvasses ready to take up as much knowledge from the world around us and become important. 


Whether we like it or not, whether kids realize it or not, this is the most vulnerable of ages. No one, from age born to age death-bed, wants to feel left out, or incompetent. When a kid hits puberty however, they’re aware of their surroundings enough to want to get involved and help out, and yet, for an assortment of reasons, they mostly receive slammed doors in their faces. Like the kid who just wants to ride the roller-coaster with his friends but gets told he can’t because he is too short, being told no to a kid is a low blow and feels like a personal attack. Now, you can explain all you want to a kid why the answer is no, but you better believe they are going to try everything they can to grow tall enough, become fast enough, speak loud enough, and draw well enough, to do what they’ve been told they can’t. Yes, this is a great motivator and surely going to build the kid up for a strong and victorious future! However, what if the reason the door is slamming in their face is because of something they are and are incapable of changing? 

Let’s take a step back in time for a moment to just before the Civil Rights movement. During this time there were separate lines for people based on their skin color. If you were Black you couldn’t sit in the front of the bus, couldn’t eat in every restaurant, and certainly couldn’t play in the same parks. To a lot of people back then, this seemed completely natural and normal. “Just the way God intended it”. Flash forward to current times, this seems, to most people, completely absurd (though, shocker, it still happens). But during the Civil Right movement people had to stand up, make a change, show that despite the color of a person’s skin they are still a person and deserve being treated as one. Because, let’s face it, they couldn’t change their skin color to societies ideals, so they had to change society. (And thank God they didn’t, life would be far too boring if everyone looked the same). 
In current times, society still needs changing, but a kid hasn’t learned enough to know this and instead focuses on themselves. When kid hears the words, “you can’t play with us, you’re a girl,” or, “you’re so gay,” you might as well stab a needle in their eyes, because the way they see it, they are a completely useless and unimportant human being. Now this may sound dramatic, but let’s be honest, this is the most dramatic age for a kid, as every negative is the end of their world, and every positive is the rebirth of creation, all of which can happen in less than 30 seconds. But just because it’s a dramatic period doesn’t mean these events don’t have lasting consequences, they do. Telling a kid they can’t play because they are a girl, or because they are gay, or a certain skin color, or WHATEVER that they are, is telling them they, as the person they were born as and have no choice over, are not good enough. This effects people for a long, long time.

Being told who you are isn’t good enough leads to years of trying to change yourself and continuous frustration and disappointment as you learn you can’t change who you are. Reality is, people develop eating disorders, drug addictions, depression, and even killed themselves over this. No, this isn’t an exaggeration. No, these aren’t “weak” people. Humans are created to be social being. We want to be liked, we want to fit in. When we are told that we are not good enough for things we cannot change about ourselves it leads to horrible consequences that effect not only the individual’s, but their families, friends, and children. It starts a long legacy of destruction, and harm. When this becomes your life it’s hard to focus on the “more important issues in the world”. 

So let me end it here by saying this: if you want a better world, think before you speak. People do hear what you say and what you say does have an impact, whether you mean them to or not. Kids don’t naturally think “girls don’t play football”, or “being gay is gross”, parents, adults, and the media teach these things. So let the girl try out for football. If she really can’t play well, she’ll realize and try harder. Preferring the same sex isn’t an infection, it won’t hurt you, quit being ignorant and let people be who they choose to be. It’s time for us to quit making people change to society’s handicapping ideals, and instead change society. And it all starts with you and what you say. 

If you want to know more about this campaign and how to get involved follow the links below to some great resources and affiliates:

http://www.always.com/en-us/likeagirl.aspx

http://banbossy.com

http://leanin.org

Follow the link below for another great resource to get kids involved and active in their own communities:

https://www.dosomething.org

What are some statements you've been told that you wish to change?

Girl--->WorldOPEN

:)

10 Things College Taught Me

Today I wanted to reflect about a few things that college taught me. This may be relatable for those of you who just graduated college, and it may be helpful for those of you about to attend or are attending currently. Either way, this is few of what college taught me in a nutshell:

1. I have people!!!

A lot of time when growing up you live in a smaller-ish town and feel like that is the world. Everyone you are surrounded by is a representation of how the world thinks, feels, acts, and exists. This is very disheartening when you don't feel like you fit in with this "world". But once I got to college I realized your town is not the world, just a small ameba attached to the world. There are actually people just like you who are interested in things you are in, passionate about what you are passionate about, and want to change what you want to change. And once you find these people, it's like heaven!

2. How to stand out

It's great having people in your life who understand you, but at the same time you don't want to conform to the little differences that do exist between you. To really make it in this world, you have to stand out. I learned in college that to stand out means to hold your ground about what you believe even if it's different than your friends. Maybe joining organizations, or creating your own regarding those beliefs. For example, I'm very passionate about women's issues, particularly in regards to body image and media's portrayal of women. Though my friends are very supportive of me, this isn't their passion (and that's okay!). Following my passion, I became an intern at the Women's Resource Center on my campus and even developed a weeklong program with events all focused toward loving your body. I was able to stand out from my friends and follow my passions, without letting my friends different interests hold me back.

3. How to stand up for what I want

Before college I would typically let things slide, things that were important to me that I really should have been fighting for. When in college I learned that if I wanted to make it any where in this world I had to stand up for what I wanted (and deserved) or else I'll be getting run over my entire life. Particular example of this is my grades. There were many times when my professors gave me one grade on paper and another in the grading book. I would recognize this when it came down to the end of the semester and the grade I calculated and they calculated didn't match up. I would speak to them during their office hours or through email and ask them to please check over my grade again because I believe there had been a mistake. I was never rude about this, or trying to get a grade higher than what I really deserved, I simply trying to get the right grade I already got placed into the grading book. A lot of the time this took extra work and more time than I care to share, but in the end I always got the grades I knew I rightfully deserved. Because of this I'm able to stand up for what I believe is right and not let anyone push me around.

4. Be kind... even to the "little people"

First off, I don't believe there are "little people", or people who have small, menial, unimportant, jobs in this world. Sincerely, every job is important and without them the "big jobs" wouldn't be possible. While at college I would notice how people would constantly be trying to network and get into the good graces of their professors, the university president, and other "big time" people on the college campus, then they would act rudely to the janitor's, the food staff, and the ground's keepers. To me, you have no idea who these people are, who they know, and why they are doing the job they are. People tend to think these are the people who have no education and are stuck in "pointless" jobs. But this is entirely not true! Everyone deserves kindness, for everyone places a certain role in life that is important, and without it, the entire picture you see before you would be different (and not in a good way).

5. How NOT to cook...

I spent my entire 4 years at college living in the dorms. My first two years I was just a regular resident and my last two years I was a Resident Assistant. I LOVED living in the dorms. My friends were always just a step down the hallway, and food was available at all hours of the day. However, this did not help me develop skills in the cooking world. Mind due, I'm not a terrible cook, but I certainly do not know how to come up with a  meal plan for a week, or put ingredients together. Most of the time I'll just cook up some frozen pizza or pasta and call that good. This is not a good way to step into life. For this reason, if you are still in college, I HIGHLY recommend living at least 1 year off so that you can build up these skills before you have to take on all the aspects of being a responsible adult.

6. Political debates do not have to foster screaming fights and severed relationships

Growing up all the adults around me, including the nightly news, was filled with political debates. Quickly I learned that both people think they are entirely correct and the other is a lunatic basket case who doesn't have a brain (not fair, but honest). This led me to hating politics and avoiding any type conversation that politics may be introduced. When I got to college however, this was a rather hard subject to avoid. Thankfully, I learned you can have a discussion about politics where you can gently agree to disagree. This I found to be such a relief. Through this experience I was able to learn much more about the world, consider new ideas, and embrace that not everyone thinks the same (and thank God for that!).

7. College is short, and so is life. Forget the assignments you have due, and enjoy the ride.

During my time at college I was very dedicated to my studies. But I learned quickly that this wasn't going to bring me any joy and isn't the complete point of college. College is an amazing time to further your education, focus on what you are interested in, meet people from around the world, and learn about who you are. The last of these you can't do hiding in away in your dorm room studying. Yes, there are times when you need to study and focus. But there are also many times when you need to forget all the assignments you have to complete, or how much sleep you are being deprived of and have a crazy experience with the amazing people around you. Moments like these will be gone before you know it, and you may never get them back.

8. You can do all your laundry in one load if you put them on cold. 

It's true! Nothing will blend and they'll still be clean. Plus, it saves you lots of money and time!

9. Differences doesn't mean bad. It simply means different.

Growing up I was taught that if anyone thought different than you, believed different things, or even walked to a different drum they were different and that was bad. How sorely mistaken I was. I'm so glad to have learned that just because someone sees the world differently, grew up in a different manner, or believes different things does not mean their difference is a bad difference. In one of my classes which discussed gender issues globally, I learned about the women of Bangladesh. I learned about all the ways they were being discriminated against and they started devising ways to seek their freedom. It was incredible what they did. So much so that global missions would come in and do news stories on them. Unfortunately, instead of focusing on the way the Bangladeshi women felt they were being discriminated against, the news interpreted their different way of living as discriminatory. This wasn't true. They loved their way of life and culture, but their was ways in which they were being treated that were not okay, under anyone's standards. It's sad to think people will hate on another person just because they didn't think, act, or believe the same things in the same way someone else would. This prevents growth, and stunts humanity. 

10. If you put your needs into the universe, the universe will bring you what you ask

This can be tricky, but from my own experience, this is 100% true. Now, if the desire is One Million Dollars, yes this might not occur. However, if you search for what you want, let other's know of your needs, and are aware of your surroundings, you would be amazed at the wonderful things the world will bring to you. 

So there you have it, 10 things I learned during college. I hope you guys could relate!

What is something you learned, or hope to learn, during college?

Girl--->WorldOPEN

:)

35 Facts About Me

Hey everyone! I saw a bunch of "Facts About Me" video's going around and I figured I would join the bandwagon. Hope you all get to know about me a little better. I'd love to get to know you guys better too, so feel free to leave some facts about you in the comments below. Or even make your own "Facts About Me" video in response!

What's your favorite fact about yourself?

Girl---> WorldOPEN

Travel!!

This summer, not even joking, ALL of my friends seem to be traveling off to great and far places before their "real lives" begin. I'm insanely jealous. Unfortunately I do not have the finances to go anywhere, and this is a major reason why I am super excited to be getting flown out by NBC to New York City! But the point is, during your time in college, save money for traveling post-graduation. Even if it's just a few dollars a week, save save save!! It will be so great to start off your journey into the world by truly journeying into the world. Here are a few images of my friends in their worldly travels:

Leah in the Pyrenees Mountains in France.

Tanner at the Louvre in France 

Apa in the Philippines 

Rita at the Colosseum in Rome  

If you could go any where in the world, where would you go?

Girl--->WorldOPEN