Finding Comfort in the Uncomfortable

So often when I'm faced with a new situation, whether it be a new job, a new apartment, or even as small as going on a first date, I get very nervous. Each time I would have an inner dialogue going on about how ridiculous I am for being nervous. "Look around, does anyone else seem nervous," I'd ask myself. More often than not the answer was always "no". "So then, why be nervous? You'll be fine. Take a hint from the greatest band to ever exist and Let It Be". However, calling on the Beatles, relaxing, and facing the new situation with a victorious mindset is much more difficult to do than to say. Luckily, I've come to learn that, despite what my inner voice says, I'm not alone in this struggle. Oh yes, we all face it.

Before I jumped on a plane all by myself and moved to Florida from Michigan, my home state, I was freaking out. I kept telling my sister, the chauffeur to my presumable doom, that she shouldn't drive too far too fast once we said goodbye, for I was most likely going to back out. Beyond my verbal hysterics I was, of course, a physical hysteric too. A flood of tears and involuntary shaking paralyzed my typically lively spirit imprisoning me in the belief that I simply could not get on a plane and move to Florida all by myself. Thankfully my sister, being the dear that she is, pulled over to the side of the road and gave me a cup she had made herself, (apparently she knew my reluctancy may occur). On the cup she had written, "On particularly rough days, when I'm sure I can't possible endure, I like to remind myself that my track record for getting through the bad days so far is 100% and that's pretty good!"

Now I have no idea if she came up with that, or she found the quote from someone else, but I love it so much! I clung to that cup all throughout the airport. Even when my sister had to come back because I forgot my ID in her car and I wanted to use that as an excuse, nay, a sign, that I shouldn't be going, I clung to that cup and believed what it said. And you know what? It was exactly right! I got on that plane, and I've now been living down in Florida for 9 months and will living here for much longer. If I had let my trepidation get in the way of my journey I never would have met so many of my friends, or had most of the experiences I have had. I would probably be in a bed somewhere, crawled up in a ball never wanting to leave.

Here I am now however, about to start another new chapter in my life, and the nerves are back. Change is a part of life I tell myself. Reminding myself that if everything stayed the same how much I would loath life, and how dull the colors of my life's palette would be. So now I look back at all the times I've had to go through transitions in my life and remember my sister's quote and it's accuracy on my success rate: 100%. From each success I have learned, I have grown, and I have thickened the breadth of my life's story.

Therefore, I encourage you, no matter what struggle or challenge you are facing, to remind yourself what your success rate is for overcoming...100%.  It may be hard, and change is hard, no one denies that, but change is also good. I believe in you!

What are some comforting words of wisdom you have you been told during your life's transitions?

XOXO

Girl--->WorldOPEN

My Prequel

This is my prequel. Why a prequel? Because if you don’t look back and see where you’ve come from, how can you know where you are going?

So how does one go from an small town American country girl to a freethinking Christian feminist ready to change the world? Well that’s exactly what I’m about to show you.

When I was around the age of 8 I was called a feminist by my very loving father. I had been complaining about getting yelled at for having to help my mother clean up dinner while my brother got to continue to watch the football game blaring in our living room. Between the clanging of the dishes and the slamming of the refrigerator I cried about the unfair treatment my brother and I received solely due to our sex. My father, between bouts of laughter, said that I am being prepared for my future and this is the woman’s task. Seething, I put down the dishes, quit touching the half wrapped turkey and yelled, “I will never marry a man who doesn’t help clean the kitchen and put away dinner”.

At this my father really began to laugh, the type of laugh that comes from somewhere deep within a person’s soul and shakes their entire body. But it was here, as his laughter lessened, in a moment barely tangible, my father uttered the infamous word that has since changed my life completely: “feminist”.

Of course at 8 years old and barely in the 3^rd grade I had no idea what the word meant and, much to my dismay now, yelled back at my father for calling me such a thing. A few hours later I was told by one of my older siblings that it meant “equal rights for women” and at that moment, in all solemnity, I swore myself to be a feminist for the rest of my life.

At that age I had no idea where, if anywhere, feminism would lead me. If you had told me I would make it my life’s work, I probably would have speechlessly dropped my jaw. But alas, 11 years later in my freshman media class the word “feminist” came full circle and hit me square in between my eyes.

I was studying at university to be a documentary film director and as a prerequisite had to take TC 100: The Information Society. TC 100 focused on the trends, services, and policies around every form of media. Around the sixth week of class we began to focus on media’s effects on women and, if you can imagine life as a game show, this was the moment I pressed the big red button, bells and whistles sounded from every direction and Bob Barker was shouting “that is the correct answer!” In other words, I had hit the sweet spot in my education and wanted to continue to learn about this subject matter for the rest of my education. Only problem: “Media’s Effects on Women” wasn’t a degree.

I spent the next year and half developing my own major titled, fittingly so, “Media’s Effects on Women”.  Now I digress for a moment to say it wasn’t something normal at my university for students to go around developing their own major, in fact I’m only the second person at my university to have done so. I say this not to bring myself accolades but rather to express the sheer magnitude of my passion to learn about this subject matter.

With the ability to develop my own major came the blessing to pick, out of all the thousands of classes offered, which classes I wanted to take, as long as I could prove to the university that all of them combined could relate to one narrowly focused educational outcome. That being said, the university was my oyster.

Choosing classes from English 431C: Studies in Film and Gender, to Psychology 339: Psychology of Women, every class was a new and eye opening experience that only deepened my love and passion for my chosen field of interest. Seeing the need all around me I began to utilize every morsel of my learning in the real world by mentoring sixty plus females as a Resident Assistant within my university’s dorms, writing articles and creating campus-wide programs as an inter at my university’s Women’s Resource Center, and even volunteering as a media specialist at a summer camp for underprivileged inner-city children.

As graduation sped closer I was able to look back and see how much my life had been changed by that one simple word “feminist” 14 years earlier. Even since my freshman TC 100 class, I had become exposed to a subject matter much more vast than just media’s negative representation of women. No longer could I ignore the many triggers of rape culture our society perpetrates, sex slavery, the acid violence against Bangladeshi women, or even the simple words and stereotypes we use that continues to proliferate the gender disparity. Looking toward the future I search for a career that encompasses all of this thus continuing the revolution my feminist sisters started over a hundred years to help forge the gender equal future they imagined.

Alas, as every good prequel must, we’ve come to the end of our story, or really the beginning of my story. Here I am, I freshly graduated 20-something with only a degree in one hand and an ambition in the other to take me into my future. Yes, you could say then that I’m just like every other college graduate: naive, penniless, and a dreamer. To quote from John Lennon, “but I’m not the only one” (“Imagine”). 

Infinite X's and O's,

Girl--->WorldOPEN

Writing what I know: People change

I spent most of my early life homeschooled. When I finally went to public school I was unknowingly headed in to the so dubbed "worst years" aka, middle school. Going literally day to day from having tons of friends to having zero friends wreaked havoc through my tiny twelve-year-old self. Looking back I'm not sure I would have believed anyone if they had told me that it was all because hormones were running astray, even the "popular girls" were a ball of awkwardness, zits, and emotions, or more shortly, I wasn't alone. Those days I felt most alone of all.

As I entered high school I found my group of friends and we made some of the best memories I still look back on fondly. Like the time we went to our local mall on Halloween instead of trick-or-treating and did barrel races down the mall's west wing. Simply put, my friends and I got each other, we saved each other, and we made high school fun. But this doesn't mean I was unaware of the girls who backstabbed one another to get ahead, or the students who got their parents involved in everything so they would get the leadership position, get a higher grade, or get on Homecoming Court. What it does mean is I could look at these people and be glad I wasn't them, and had a reason to be excited to graduate.

I can still remember the last night before I left for Florida, the final night of summer post-graduation. I was sitting in my parents driveway with my best friend Nick and we just talked for hours about what the future held for everyone; our friends, ourselves, and our classmates. It was the ever-scary, ever-exciting intersection in life where our pasts and our futures meet and all you can do is wonder. I was so excited for each of my friends as we all got accepted to colleges all over the state and country. We were going to do things with our lives while it seemed everyone else from school was staying in the exact same place and going to the local community college.

Well it's been just over five years since that day and all I can say is, people change. My friends did graduate from their respected college's, got great jobs, and some are even headed to grad school! But the truth is, we lost touch. Whether this was due to purpose or distance will always be a question, but either way, we did. We each came into our own in college and learned more about ourselves and these selves were fairly different from our high school selves.

Sometimes I look back on those high school days and think about what our high school selves would say about where we and our classmates ended up. Our classmates whom changed as much as we did. The girls who said they hate fat people gained weight. The class hottie became a dad shortly after graduation. The girls who judged people who got pregnant, got pregnant. Some are trying their hands at rapping, some are working on film degrees, and some are still just hanging out in the area, living at home and going to community college. I think my friend's high school selves and I would laugh.

Laugh, not because we were surely as judgmental as everyone else, but because it all really didn't matter. All the emphasis we put on single moments, even in present time, our moments are fleeting yet we tell ourselves they are either life or death. Like sand held too tight and falling away too quickly, not a moment we are given will last. So the girl told you you're stupid and made everyone laugh, or you didn't get into your dream college, another moment will come and it will be different. And everyone will your given will either make you or break you, but ultimately it's up to you. Recognize the moments change, as do people, and it's up to you to decide whether you want that moment and those people to make you or break you.

I'm happy for each of my old friends and where they made it and who've they've become. Even though our lives are far from one another I will still hold on to those memories and enjoy them. As for those classmates, I'm not laughing, because I'm not my high school self, and instead I understand. Change, it's inevitable.

 

And that's what I know.

 

XOXO

 

Girl--->WorldOpen

 

What are changes you've noticed?

 

What are some big ways you have let change affect you?

Post-Graduation Moving and Self-Discoveries!

Hi everyone!

Sorry I haven't been on in such a long time. Since I last updated you all I have moved to Florida for to work at Disney World with the College Program Internship! This is such a full circle experience for me as before I went college I took a gap year and worked at Disney World. I'm in the same physical location as I was before, but I work in a new area and live with new roommates. A lot has changed around here, but much has stayed the same. This gives me the opportunity to really stand back and look at myself and see all the changes I have gone through in my last four years. Here are a few of the changes I've recognized:

1. I see a lot of things, people, places, ideas, etc, at more than surface level. For example, when I first lived here I saw Disney World as a happy place here to make people happy. Though this is still true, I see it more as a business. It's choices are based on economies of scale, research, and market analysis. My first go about I would have laughed at you if you said any of that to me.

2. There is a much larger world out there than your momentary situation. Just like most high school students, I saw the world as black or white. If I didn't get the date or wasn't liked by the right people then my world would surely end. When I first came to Disney World I saw this place as much the same. Make friends, be happy. Today happy is much more complex and interwoven with the realities far beyond my experiences. Through the blessing of social media, and my education, I see the wars going on in the world on an individual basis, I hurt for these people and want to help. Therefore the guests here at Disney World aren't just other people, they are people with a story and this is the only moment I may have to make their story a happy one.

3. I have dreams beyond this place. During my first Disney World experience I literally didn't have any dreams or aspirations. I was scared of going to college, and felt inadequate in the world. Now I have within me the deepest conviction to change the way women are represented in the media, and help empower women to make this world more equal. This makes being here at Disney just a joyful momentary blip in a hopefully long future of providing happiness, support, and answers to those around the world.

But alas, I'm still a small girl in a big world. Though my current world is owned Uncle Walt, I'm still growing and learning. I'm excited to keep you up to date with what I'm doing and the things I'm learning as a simple post-graduate twenty-something.

See you all real soon!

Best,

 

Girl--->WorldOPEN

 

Have you ever been brought full circle and realized something new about yourself?

 

What's your biggest post-graduate discoveries?

Identity Crisis, Inner Beauty

Hey everyone! 

I've been asked a few time about how I can be passionate about finding inner beauty and loving your natural self and yet still be into make-up and fashion. Well I'm here to say it certainly took me a while to understand how those things could be related but as I talk about in my vlog below, I've come to find out they can be surely knit perfectly together.  Hope you like it!

What are some ways you find inner beauty?

Much love,

Hayley Kaye :)

Marshall's, Ulta, Meijer Haul!

Hey everyone!

I was able to go shopping recently at a few different stores so I thought I'd show you what I got. Sorry I haven't been posting more posts lately, nothing too exciting or mind-turning has been happening. I really want to keep this blog for twenty-something discoveries. Since I'll be going to DC in less than 3 weeks, I'm sure something will come up then. Can't wait to go and I'll make sure to keep you up to date! As for now, check out my video and don't forget to LIKE, SUBSCRIBE, and COMMENT!

Any good product's your excited about lately? What are your Fourth of July Plans?

Girl--->WorldOPEN

:)

35 Facts About Me

Hey everyone! I saw a bunch of "Facts About Me" video's going around and I figured I would join the bandwagon. Hope you all get to know about me a little better. I'd love to get to know you guys better too, so feel free to leave some facts about you in the comments below. Or even make your own "Facts About Me" video in response!

What's your favorite fact about yourself?

Girl---> WorldOPEN

Travel!!

This summer, not even joking, ALL of my friends seem to be traveling off to great and far places before their "real lives" begin. I'm insanely jealous. Unfortunately I do not have the finances to go anywhere, and this is a major reason why I am super excited to be getting flown out by NBC to New York City! But the point is, during your time in college, save money for traveling post-graduation. Even if it's just a few dollars a week, save save save!! It will be so great to start off your journey into the world by truly journeying into the world. Here are a few images of my friends in their worldly travels:

Leah in the Pyrenees Mountains in France.

Tanner at the Louvre in France 

Apa in the Philippines 

Rita at the Colosseum in Rome  

If you could go any where in the world, where would you go?

Girl--->WorldOPEN

Thift Store Haul

Hey everyone! Just a few days ago my friend Josh and I went to our local town's festival. It was filled with dog showing, carnival games, rides, farmer's market, and lots of people selling things. We got a bit bored after awhile and decided to check out our local thift stores. I haven't been to them in quite awhile so it was nice to be able to see all the new products they've gotten in. With that being said I decided to do a Thift Store Haul showing you the few products I got. Some of the products in particular I am quite excited about (you'll see which one in the video). So hope you watch it and like it!

What are some awesome things you've found in your local thrift store?

Girl--->WorldOPEN

<3

To Grow Up, or to Not Grow Up? THAT is the question.

This week I was given a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a part of a new summer series with NBC's TODAY Show. This has been an up in the air prospect for the last couple of months which I've fantasizing. Whenever someone would ask me about my post-graduation plans I would mention it, but did so almost jokingly because the reality of me being on the TODAY Show was as close to pigs flying as anything. Well, I guess pigs can fly because here I am, little 23 year old me, going to be on the TODAY Show! The crazy thing is, despite how much I was hoping this would happen, the moment I got the news I also got the ice cold feeling of not wanting to go.

It's funny to me how we can dream big dreams, but as soon as they have the possibility of becoming reality, becoming melancholy over all we'll be leaving behind.

Currently I'm an unemployed 23 year old living at my parents house in the middle of a corn field. This isn't the "ideal" situation. And by no means can it become a permanent one either, but I don't want to move. I like living in the country. I like having roommates (my parents) who I can laugh with, share meals with, and who actually talk to me! I like being able to sleep in until 10 AM all day and play on the internet the rest of it. I like being at home. But I have to wake up...I have to grow up.

Growing up means leaving everything you know and are comfortable with behind. Growing up means living one day at a time and trying the best you can. It means walking ahead, even when your legs are shaking and you are pretty sure you are going to pass out. It means making new friends, seeing new places, and taking on a much bigger world than the one you imagined. And most of the time doing it alone.

You will always have your support system to whom you can call. You will always have your friends, despite how far away, who are proud of you and are rooting you on. But they are far away. Unlike college, most people you meet from here on out won't be your age, won't be into all the same things you are, and will be focusing more on getting themselves to the next step in their career, not you. Here is where you finally have to gather up all those lessons your teachers and parents taught you over the years about being special, feeling confident, and ignoring the doubters, and fully embrace them. You have to go into the world knowing who you are and what you want, and not worrying about what anyone else thinks. This is your time. But this is also a million other people's time. So you have to stand tall, despite how much your knees are shaking, and you would rather go back to bed, and live the life you were meant to.

I'm right there with you, scared to death. But we CAN do this.

What are you most scared about post-graduation?

Girl--->WorldOPEN

 <3

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